During this 2 week wait I'm not supposed to do any working out (except walking and yoga). I'm too paranoid to go back to my old routine of lifting weights and high intensity cardio anyway. Even after the clearance I will be! I need to figure something out though. It's funny how protective and obsessive we get when we are responsible for a life. Especially this one! When it's my only job to protect this baby! It's a strange thing knowing exactly when a baby enters the body. If we all knew the exact moment we would probably all be freaking out during 'implantation time' as well!
As soon as the transfer happened I became an obsessed, anxiety-plagued, recluse person. Everyone has put so much into this process that when it happened I just wanted to take a step back and relax, rest, and enjoy it. After Skyping with the intended parents and seeing their sweet excited faces I just felt so overwhelmed. I wanted this to work the first time for them. I can't imagine looking at them and letting them down. I also didn't want to have to start the shots over again and do another transfer. Pressure on!! I hate having no control over the situation. During this time (well anytime) the song Oceans by Hillsong has been soooo comforting to my heart and helping me to worship. Just knowing that this is where The Lord called me to be and regardless of what happens, He is in control. I like that. I like not having the responsibility of control.
The actual transfer was super fast. Like 35 seconds fast. We flew up the evening before and spent the night. The fertility clinic was 300 feet from the hotel, so we walked there for our appointment at 12:15. I was super bummed that Dr. Mottla, our fertility Dr., wasn't going to be there for the transfer. He called right before the appointment to go over things with me and ask how I was doing, but said he couldn't make it. I told him my only fear was peeing on the person during the transfer! I have the smallest bladder ever, and was instructed to drink a bottle of water in 15 min an hour before the transfer. I was pretty miserable! Like, I could hardly walk back to the room.
The waiting room was pretty full of people and surrogates having transfers. One surrogate had her Intended parents with her...but they weren't even sitting next to each other or talking. So strange! If our couple was there I would be like squeezing her hand and freaking out! They are planning their trip to the US for the first ultrasound :) I did notice that no one looked excited...it made me wonder their stories and how many times they have done this. It's such a exciting but scary thing.
The wait was relatively short. They took us back to a room, confirmed my identity, confirmed my Intended mothers identity, and showed me a picture of the embryo! The Dr. said it looked great (based on a rating scale they use). I had a 5 day transfer. This means the embryo had 5 days in the dish to grow and multiply cells before the transfer. They were transferring one and freezing the other. I asked her to just go ahead and transfer 2 because we came this far, haha! She said transferring 2 doesn't guarantee a better chance of them implanting; just a greater risk for multiples. They don't like to do multiples because of the risk that a multiples pregnancy carries.
The nurse brought in the tube with the embryo in it and used a tiny catheter to travel it up to my uterus. That was it. I asked, "is that all?!" It seemed like such a simple and quick process for all the work that has gone into this! The Dr. went to check the microscope to make sure the embryo came out. How crazy is that. They came in and handed me a list of "not to do's" and told me I was free to go. I was afraid to sit up! Afraid to walk!! I have something so delicate inside of me! But, I did walk. I had to pretty much run because I had to pee and was hurting so bad!!
We decided to travel back that evening because my husband had a wedding to sing at that evening. Southwest apparently overbooks every flight by 20% because of the cancellations....go figure everyone shows up this day. We were told, "sorry we have no seats for you. The next flight out is tomorrow afternoon..." AGH! Deep. Calming. Breaths. I have a baby inside me that needs a happy environment. Haha! Praise God that someone gave up their seats last second (literally) and we were able to fly home on time (minus a 2 hour delay). When I got home the intended parents had sent us a gift. So sweet! She had sent chocolate and Forever Living face wash. Yumm. She also got both of the kids toys and shirts. I worked that next day. My job is pretty sedentary, they said it was ok, and I felt great. Then, I started reading Google (don't do that) about people who take 3 days for couch rest and do nothing. Did I do too much?! Did I ruin everything?! I don't feel pregnant! My stomach actually looks smaller (thanks to giving up grains) is that bad?! AGH! I don't completely understand what the infertile feel....but having to go through this multiple times would be the most exhausting thing mentally. I love, adore, and trust my husband so much. I swear if he told me I was going to win a million dollars tomorrow I would believe him. He says, "you are pregnant, it worked, and it's a girl". Somehow that gives me peace. Let's see if he is right!
Sooooooo, the clinic told me I could take a pregnancy test on day 9 post the transfer (before my bloodworm on day 14). Just because a test is positive, it doesn't guarantee a healthy pregnancy (the baby could have implanted but not grown- chemical pregnancy). It's not until the blood results are back in with the levels of HGC that it can be confirmed positive. There were 2 other surrogates who had transfers the same day as me on our group Facebook page. They had already started testing on day 5 and getting light positive lines!! Of course I started getting anxious and ran to the dollar store and bought 6 test. The lady was like, "wow you really want to make sure". I tested twice a day for 2 days and nothing. So distraught. SO upset. I started just feeling down...but knew we could do this again. There are tons of women who do IVF multiple times. It was just hard seeing positives and looking at my pregnancy test that were not.
All pregnancy test are not created equal. I started cramping yesterday. That was a great sign for me since I did with both of my other pregnancies. So I dragged my family to Wal-Mart to get a more sensitive home pregnancy test (First Response) that tested for lower levels of the hormone. Why am I being so obsessive?! I was going to wait until this morning to take the test. Did I? Nope. I ran right home and did it. AND SCREAMED!!! It was a positive!!! I don't think I was this excited for my own children!!! It's different when you work sooooo hard for something! And, of course, don't have the worry about buying a bigger car, hospital bills, and the how are we going to do this- freaking out moment :) My husband runs in and snaps a picture of the moment. Precious. On cloud nine. WHOOOO! One step closer! I have someone else's baby in me...that's so surreal!
Did I stop there? No. Obsessive. I tested again. The line was actually lighter today. Are my hormones going down? Is this not a real pregnancy? Why did I test again?! I am not buying more test. I will wait for the blood work. If I don't, I'll be crazy! There's nothing I can do to change the outcome. So, I plan to just relax, enjoy life, and pray that God protects this little embry!
For now, I will continue my nightly Progesterone in oil injections until I am 12 weeks pregnant. I didn't mind them so much when I got a positive test. Knowing that progesterone helps prevent miscarriages is worth it. It has all been worth it :)